At a Crossroads

I just wanted to give you a little update on my situation at home. 
I've been feeling torn in too many directions and exhausted lately. As you all know I had to start back to work last month. I worked the day shift for the first 5 weeks and I have now been transferred indefinitely to the night shift which I am not happy about. Because we do not have child care, I take care of both the babies all day while my husband is at work and then as soon as he walks through the door I hand them over and I go straight to the hospital where I work from 7pm to 7 am with out any sleep. So I end up being up for about 28 hours at a time. It's no fun. In fact, it makes me so physically exhausted that I have a hard time functioning. There were no day positions open when I applied so I took what I could get and am hoping to be transferred as soon as possible but it leaves little time for me.
Anyway, the point is I have had little to no time for my beloved Bouffe e Bambini. I started this blog for me and only me and it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. It has made me feel so accomplished and has pushed me to be a better wife, mother and cook. I love it. I adore it. It completes me. 
But lately I have noticed that I have been in such a rush to post things that I have gotten sloppy. I don't always correct the spelling or I leave out a cute story to go along with the recipe because I don't have time. I haven't networked since Ginger was born and I have pretty much stopped actively looking for giveaways and sponsors because again, I just don't have time.  And.............I ADORE all of your lovely comments. I read and cherish each and every one of them. I used to have more time to reply or visit blogs but sadly lately I have not been able to.
Also, I have seriously been thinking about starting a small catering business but I have no idea how in the word I would ever have time for it if I can't even keep up with the blog right now. I'm just really bummed out. I love being a nurse but right now my heart is at home with my babies. I wish I could just stay home and bake and hold these little angles.
I guess I am sharing this with all of you because you are one of my biggest support groups and I appreciate and love you all so much. Thanks so much for being part of my life and making this journey into the blogosphere a beautiful one. What are your thoughts? 

On a lighter note, here are a couple new shots of the babies playing in the back yard together. They enjoy each other more and more everyday:)



Mindie Hilton said...

I have been there. There was a time I was working a 13 hour night shift and coming home napping and then going to my day job. I only had one kid at the time, so I can only imagine how tired you are. Wish I had some magical answers for you. Just know that you are not alone, your blog is great, and you don't have to be superwomen. I always say life is short, do what moves you.

m&msmommy said...

What sweet pictures, as always! I was actually thinking of you last night as Manuel and Mia were playing, and Mia was cracking up hysterically at her brother "scaring" her, over and over and over again! I thought, "This will be Milton and Ginger one day!" :) (weird how you think about complete strangers and their children randomly! ;))

I'm sorry that you are going through such a tough time with things! I do NOT know how you function on being up for 28hours+, working, taking care of children, etc. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, you are amazing!

I wish I had a magical answer for you or an infinite amount of money to send you so you didn't have to work (but I'd have to keep some for myself, so I could stay home with my babies too! ;) but unfortunately I don't. Just please know that I adore you, I adore your blog, your children, and what you've shared with us here in "blog land". Regardless of how much or how little you blog, I hope you stick around! :)

You've gone from some blog I won BMOD leg warmers on ;), to a very dear friend!

Hang in there! :)

*Sorry for the novel long comment! :)*

songbyrd said...

Oh Hannah, this makes me sad. When and why did our world turn into a place where mommy has to make a choice between work and babies? I mean, I get that some women are better for it-- to have the career but it makes me sad that we have to have a 2 income family to survive anymore. I look back on my time as a stay home mommy and while the marriage was a sham, it was still a joy to be home with the kids. I'll be praying for you... that either the hours change or something else gives but most of all that you don't lose hope or joy or strength to do what you do because you do it amazingly!! blessings dear one.

Char said...

Must agree with the other comments, I adore you and love your blog! I love how I feel I've come to know a little bit about you and your family. While I don't (yet) know how it is to juggle a job with crazy hours, trust me mine are as crazy as yours only mine change weekly, and take care of kiddos I soon will. I've thought a lot about this too. I hope you can find an answer that works for you and your family, as I'm doing the same. Maybe a nanny a couple days a week might help? At least give you a break to sleep and time for yourself and give the kids some time to interact with others. Just a thought. I know you love your babies, as will I love mine. You are smart, strong, beautiful; you'll find an answer. You definitely have a lot of support here in blogland :)

PoetessWug said...

I have never had children, but I was a legal guardian of 4 kids at the same time as having a full time job at a nursing home, working second shift! So, to a certain extent, I 'so' understand!!! Unfortunately there is no easy answer. I had a lot of support from my sisters and father at the time. Otherwise I don't know what I would have done! And I wasn't blogging then either!! I do know one thing 'need' your sleep, and some time for you, or else the well will go dry! Sending good thoughts. I'm sure you will work it out. You're a mom! :-]

Lindsay said...

Oh Hanna, I can only imagine the frustration! I'll pray for you.
I don't know how much you like being a nurse, but if you're wanting a cheerleader for pursuing staying home with the babies and starting up a catering business, I'll root for ya!

Amanda said...

Oh poppit, what a tough time you are going through. I can't say I know how you feel, I'm a SAHM at the moment, but just looking after my twins, and the house and everything else that goes with it leaves me exhausted at the end of the day, so I can't imagine how you are feeling.

Please make sure you take some time for yourself, I made the mistake of not doing so and ended up in a a bad place, please don't go there.

I have to agree with Lindsay, nursing is a very noble profession, but if your heart is in a catering business, try to go with it, you will be so successful at it, if you do international orders I will definitely be a customer!

mom2girls said...

First off HUGS to you!!! second, could you hire child care for a few hours for the days your are working (the night shift) so you could sleep?? I have worked that shift and it sucks, and to work it with no sleep is dangerous, to all involved to be that sleep deprived. Is it possible for you to make more from your blog/cooking that you are so very tallented at? hugs again to you and your lovely family.

erin.nicole said...

Oh Hanna,
I am so sorry you are struggling so much. I could not imagine being up all day taking care of two young children and then having to work a 12 hour shift at the hospital! That sounds completely exhausting and overwhelming. I think you starting a catering business would be a fantastic idea! You are a fabulous cook and I always look forward to seeing your new recipes! Maybe you could start that and you wouldn't have to work at the hospital anymore. It is so hard to balance everything, but you are a wonderful mom and woman, and I know you will be able to do it! I hope that you are able to figure out what is best for you and your family, and that you are able to get some much needed rest! Like someone said there a babysitter in the neighborhood who could come over for a few hours in the morning after you are done working so that you can sleep? That would probably be a huge help to you, and overall be better for you, your children, and your patients! I hope everything works out...I'll be keeping you and your beautiful family in my thoughts!

Lindsay said...

Oh Hanna, this is so hard! You have to follow your heart and do what is best for your family. Don't you wish there could be more hours in the day?? I trust that you will do what is best for YOU and your sweet family. Keep us updated. HUGS

Eastlyn and co. said...

I feel you, Hanna! When I returned to work when my son was 10 weeks old I was devastated. I cried all the way to my office every day. Between my husband and my grandmother, I knew my baby was in good and capable hands, but my heart was broken. I changed jobs thinking that without the travel and commute I'd have more time with my family, but I was still away for more hours than I cared to be. When my daughter was born 2 years later, I quit working full time. I tried medical transcription from home for a bit, I cared for my nephew (that was like having twins because he was 8 mos younger than my daughter), and eventually worked part-time at a Parent's Day Out program. Ahh, the things we do as mothers to try to be the ones taking care of our own children! Times were tough and, financially, we're still trying to recover from the awful well of debt we plunged into year after year.
All of this is to say, I completely understand your feeling torn between working outside the home (which is a necessary evil when it's not by choice) and being home with your babies. Go with your heart. If you have to work at bthe hospital just until you're more financially stable to move forward with your catering business, then so be it. Where you are now is simply a stepping stone to where you're trying to get. Remember where your heart is, there your treasure will be. Hugs, E

SuzyQpon said...

I am so sympathetic. I am a FT working mom to a 2.5 year old and I still have mother's guilt even though we found the most wonderful sitter that he ADORES! I wish I had some sage advice for you and an answer to all your problems but it doesn't work that way, does it? I will be hoping that you get your hours moved around or the hubby finds more/better work so you can stay home. Just remember, being a mom is never easy but it is always worth it!

jbr said...

I have loved reading your blog and hope you continue it. Don't ever apologize for the content on YOUR blog. Blogs are an extension of people and I love that life happens and that blogs are usually the first thing to suffer. Enjoy your girls and don't stress about us--we will still be here.

Karen ~ lillybelle designs said...

Hi Hanna ~ You have always been and always will be a SUPER WOMOM (that's woman and mom smushed together...haha...I just made that up!). About one year ago, when you approached me about advertising on your blog, I had not been advertising anywhere, let alone on blogs. After I took a peak at Bouffee e Bambini, I knew immediately that I was on board! I love your content, your honesty, your love for family and FOOD! I can and cannot relate totally to your situation. I've been blessed to be able to stay at home (even after raising my daughter who is now 16) so juggling work and family has never been an issue for me. About 4 years ago, when I started lillybelle designs, I knew I wanted to start my own business because I love to sew and I love being at home. I couldn't imagine going back into the workplace, unless it was to open my own brick and mortar store (which is way too expensive!), so my Etsy shop became my outlet. I'm not really sure where it will lead to, but I'm certainly enjoying the journey. When I read about your desire to start a small catering business, I literally, said outloud, "YES"! I think it would be wonderful! Have you thought about opening up an Etsy shop and selling some of your homemade goodies there? It might be a small way for you to get your feet wet and see if you enjoy it. I would definitely try to get some childcare for a few hours each day, and, especially if you decide to keep working as a nurse. Summertime is a great time to get some high school or college helpers that might not cost too much $$. Don't stress too much about the blogging, although I know you love it so. We all LOVE you, and will always be followers ~ whether you blog once a day or once a week!! Hugs to you ~~ You are the best! XOXO

Kel said...

Oh Hanna, this is such an awkward situation, and I feel for you, I am a FT working Mum and I know how it feels to be pulled in so many directions. I think you should keep your blog, and if you only post once a week/month/quarter it won't matter. Keep it as a creative outlet - we will remain followers regardless of how often you post :) I think the catering business would be a fantastic move for you, and it's something you should look into. I think it would be more forgiving then nursing, but I understand having a passion for something and not wanting to give it up. But remember, nursing wil always be there, and you can go back any time.
Good luck with everything and I hope you find a solution that makes you happy x

Melynda said...

There is no "either or" here. If you must work, you must also have some time and space to keep being Hanna and that includes the blog. Yes it might not be as frequent, but it is yours and you deserve that. If you must work you must have some sleep time, that might include child care, you also deserve that. No one out here knows the dynamics of your home and your needs, so it could be that a comment would seem disrespectful due to lack of knowledge. You do need some time for a little of it all. It will not be all the time, but you need some of it all to be all of you.

slommler said...

These are tough decisions and they need to be discussed when you have had some sleep. Can't make a solid choice when you are sleep deprived.
I too am a firm believer in following your dreams. Somehow you will make a way.
Good luck

Mama Spaghetti said...

I feel for you! I'm sorry to hear that life is such a challenge right now. I have no words of advice or anything, just wanted to say that I'm wishing for the best for you!

melody-mae said...

Hanna, This is so hard...I feel for you sweetie. Life is just too short to be working like this, you need to sleep and you need to enjoy life. I wish I had the right answers for you!

B:Mod Designs said...

Hi Hanna, I admire you so much!! You have two young kids and work and still maintain your wonderful blog!! I have a hard time and my kids are older...I was like you and I struggled when I worked full time and was not husband and I had to sacrifice a lot for me to stay home, but I was able to stay home with the kids and start my own business (which is what i've always wanted to do). I know how hard it is financially...but I think your catering idea is awesome! Try to do what you really want in life! If you want it bad enough you will make it happen! I wish you all the best and I hope everything works out for deserve it!!

HALLELUJAHS by Holly said...

I am so with you Hanna! Wow, I am so in awe of all that you are juggling right now! I can't imagine having to work the hours you do! Big hugs to you for case ya just needed one!

I so feel your heart to be at home with your wee ones, and I will pray for you and your work situation...that God would bring you a peace and wisdom for dividing your time, and that he would be the master juggler for you. Some days bring more availability than any of your commitments. We are only human.

I have also been struggling with finding the time for all the creative endeavors I love...crafts, projects, cooking, recipe testing, blogging...while trying to be a Mom with arthritis that is not in control at the moment. I was nearly ADDICTED to blogging for a while...couldn't get enough! I kind of had to slow down...cold turkey. I am posting still, but not as consistently, and only when I have the time. Even at this pace, it still brings me joy! I am realizing more and more that the only thing I can focus on is being healthy and being the best Mom I can for my little buddy...and then hopefully as time brings balance...I can then sprinkle in my creative endeavors.

I sure hope you get some sleep and find some time to take a few deep breaths. You have so much going for you! I just love your blog, your heart, your recipes, your love of family, and your desire to be a loving Mommy to those cute babies. Somehow, you will discover the right mix of life for you and your loved ones.

One day, one moment at a time, right?

Many blessings to you!
Always your faithful follower,

Amy said...

My friend, I wanted to comment when you first posted this, but I was reading through my phone and it doesn't do so good with commenting, but I just wanted to tell you that going from one baby to two was the hardest thing I ever did. Seriously. I had never felt so stressed out in my entire life. And then on top of it I started Evy's Tree and started staying up until 3 or 4 in morning and that didn't help either. I was beyond exhausted and felt so spent. People kept telling me it was just a season, but I seriously thought it would never end. Well, things have gotten much better and I by no way feel that same stress. The best thing I ever did was hire a good baby sitter that I could trust {a couple college girls from my church} and starting using them when I felt I absolutely could not stand one more minute of my life. I paid sometimes other times I traded. Other times I just told them I was desperate and needed help. And they did it for free. :) I had them take the kids to their house so I could sleep or clean or just get my thoughts together. It was so hard for me to do, but my parents made me do it. And I'm so glad they did. I don't think I could have continued.

As far as your blog, I am AMAZED at how much you are able to post and and how great the posts are. When do you find time to cook?!? Seriously, you are absolutely wonderful. We all understand completely and think you are doing wonderfully. Hang in there friend. Keep up the good work and don't give up.

Big hugs!


Hannah said...

Hey Girl!
I'm just reading's been crazy lately! But DEFINITELY not as crazy as yours. We're not in the same boat because I have the luxury of being able to stay home, but Ryan and I are in need of a second income to be able to have more kiddos close together and me still be able to stay home with them.
So, I am in the process of starting my own business. It's still in the concept stages right now, but I cannot express the joy that fills my heart knowing that I'm doing what I was meant to; being a Mom and entrepreneur.
However, I've learned that I cannot realize my dream without the support system of faithful family and friends.

I want to really encourage you in your dream of catering and being able to be home with your sweet babies. You know, my Mom always told me that where there's a will, there's a way. And I don't know anyone more creative, imaginative, or strong as you! Bundle all that together and you are unstoppable! There are so many options available to you, even when it doesn't seem like it. And they will come to you as you go after your dream.
Anything that I can do to support you, I'm on board boo! Wouldn't it be SO great if we lived in the same town, went into business together and raised our babies together....hey, I can DREAM!!

Love ya girl,


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