And sometimes it actually feels like dumps huge million gallon buckets of freezing cold water all over you!!!!
Well, I have been barely and I mean barely managing to keep it together over here. It's like everyday is a very, very delicate balancing act that could go completely wrong in a split second.
We've been having pretty hard financial times for quiet a while now but when I stopped working due to a rough pregnancy, things got REALLY hard.
Some people use the phrase we live "pay check to pay check."
No, not us, we pretty much rub our pennies together and pray we will be able to afford food, gas and electricity that month; bank account is frequently in the negative.
Two months ago our bank account got hacked for about $900.00 dollars. It almost killed us. I pay the mortgage every month but it's two months behind and has been for a LONG time. Anyhow, that was the majority chunk of my mortgage money for that month and usually you will get the money back but it takes 10 days for the dispute to go through. We survived somehow, rubbing our pennies together as usual. We cancelled our debit cards and got new ones and kept on keeping on.
Well, it happened AGAIN!
This time for $500.00. My husband had deposited just enough money to pay our electric bill the night before as I planned to pat it that next day. Before i could even get around to it, he comes home unexpectedly in the middle of the day and says, "The bank account is overdrawn again"
WHAT? I haven't even paid the bill yet.
Mind you it's already almost a month late and we are days from having it shut off. I immediately go to the online account to check and sure enough the same company has hacked us yet again!!!
At this point, I have no words, I'm just in tears trying to keep as calm as possible so my kids don't see me fall to a million pieces right in front of their eyes.
It's in times like these that I CANNOT loose faith. I have to know that we are going to be okay! No matter what happens, we will survive this!!!!!!
Immediately, my mind wants to wander down a horrible path of WHY? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US? WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO DESERVE THIS?
And of course for a few minutes it did but then I got my devotional out, I prayed, I called the bank and began the dispute process, gave the kids lunch and tried to hold it together!
Why am I telling you all this unfortunate situation?
Because I want you to know that these things that sometimes I think seemingly happen to ONLY US, they happen to everyone!!! In fact as I was writing this I had another reader leave me a message letting me know her water has been off FOR.A.WEEK and she has children!!! LIFE IS HARD!!! And when it's happening to you, it seems like your the only one it ever happens to but that's not true.
It's just another bump in the road of life. My destiny is mapped. I might choose different paths to get there but eventually I will be wherever I was intended to go so I have to trust. I have to have faith that's he's got me because if I don't the battles of this life would eat me alive. I will not let them.
I am not very good as asking for help. This is something I am trying REALLY hard to work on. I would much rather live a tortured life than simply ask someone for a hand. For some reason I was blessed with the biggest of big pig heads!!!
Seriously, it's ridiculous how stubborn and pig headed I can be.
Well, I did ask for help yesterday. I was so vulnerable, so weak, so lost, so afraid and I had absolutely no control over that situation. It happened. It was not our fault. It just is what it is sometimes.
I asked for help. I prayed about it. I reached out and I got what we needed. I called family, I called friends. Our electricity will not be shut off this month. Our children will sleep in warm beds.
ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE!
Please remember to take good care of yourselves. For the life of me, this might be the hardest struggle of my life, again, trying to maintain balance but yesterday I did (at least I attempted to).
I reached out, I was vulnerable, I admitted our short comings and I got help.
And today is a new day filled with new possibilities.
Today I would just like to say how grateful I am for each and every one of you who come here, visit me, and make feel like I'm not some crazy lady talking to herself. I'd like to thank God for watching over my family and for all our wonderful supportive family and friends in what continues to be this roller coaster of life.
I AM GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF IT.
THE GOOD. THE BAD. THE UGLY.
It has shaped me into who I am and I know I will come out better on the other side having learned great lessons and well if their not that great, I know I learned something!!!!
Now, onto finishing that chubby heart garland I've been stitching so I can add some cheer to the place!!!!!